Church Culture - Forgiveness

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” 
Ephesians 4:31-32

“…(Love) It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.”
1 Corinthians 13:5b

From Ken Sande’s book, Peacemaking for Families, here are four concrete promises one must “choose” to make to truly forgive another:

1. I will not think about this incident.
2. I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.
3. I will not talk to others about this incident.
4. I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship (desire for a restored or new relationship)

Conflict always begins with some kind of desire; and of course, we have both good desires and bad desires.  When we dwell on our disappointments and allow them to control our lives, this can result in self-pity and bitterness (bad desires) toward a person.  Here are some downward spirals of heart idols that we can fall into:

1. I demand-unmet desires have the potential of working themselves deeper and deeper into our hearts.  This is especially true when we come to see a desire as something we need or deserve, and therefore must have it in order to be happy or fulfilled.
   
2. I judge-when people fail to satisfy our desires and live up to our expectations, we criticize and condemn them in our hearts if not with our words.  This action is actually an imitation of the devil (James 3:15; 4:7).
3. I punish-when others fail to satisfy our demands and expectations, our heart idols demand that they should suffer.  Whether deliberately or unconsciously, we will find ways to hurt or punish people so they will give in to our desires.

The cure for our idolatrous heart is the gospel.  God has provided deliverance for us by sending His Son to experience the punishment that we all deserve because of our sin.  Because He has forgiven us, we can forgive one another.  Through Jesus Christ we can become righteous in God’s sight and find freedom from sin and idolatry (Romans 8:1-2).  In the power of the Holy Spirit, we can replace our hearts idols with true worship of the One, true God.  When we turn to God and respect His commands, it liberates us from looking to other people or things for our satisfaction.  Jesus is the only One that has the power to truly satisfy our heart desires. 

“And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.” 
Colossians 3:15