| The
Spiritual Truth About Marriage |
Choosing
the right mate
The secret to marital happiness
What the Bible says about marriage and divorce
What to do when problems occur |
 |
Marriage - A Very Big Deal
Marriage is understandably a huge
issue for most people. No one wants to spend every day of the
rest of their life with someone with whom they're not happy. Choosing
a mate can be a big task. Keeping one can seem like a mountainous
task. But even mountains are no match for faith as small as a
mustard seed (Matthew 17:20). If you are committed to God, then
you are committed to choosing the right mate and working to preserve
and improve your marriage. Within the Bible can be found the instructions
for all of these.
Marriage is also a big deal because
it brings out the worst in us. Despite the fact that we succeed
at concealing our true selves from most people, we tend to consistently
and powerfully hurt the ones we love. Welcome to your sin nature
rearing its ugly head. Can we talk? Marriage is a spiritual issue,
a supernatural union of a man and woman into one flesh (Genesis
2:24), so the success or failure of your marriage depends on your
spirituality. Stop seeking for answers in the world! The secret
to a happy marriage is not learning to communicate better. It
is not learning each other's "love languages." It is
not learning conflict resolution strategies. In fact, it is not
a process of learning at all but one of becoming more like Christ.
From the Author
Eleven years ago God gave me Laura,
a "helper fit" (Genesis 2:18) for me, a gift far more
precious than I often realize. We are no stranger to conflict,
but the Spirit of Christ in us has helped us to seek growth, not
escape, God's will and not our own. In the fiery crucible that
is my marriage and yours, I pray that you will have the patience
to endure while your sinful nature is melted away and the image
of God is more clearly revealed. Joy unspeakable awaits. I pray
that you'll have the faith to believe Christ to remake your marriage
by remaking you.
- Chuck Cruise
Marriage Q&A
Q: I'm planning to get married.
What should I be most concerned about?
A: Do not marry an unbeliever.
Do not be unequally yoked with
unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?
Or what fellowship has light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
You see, God calls you to be holy
(1 Peter 1:16). That means that as a believer you are to be
specially pure, set apart from the unbelievers of the world
- to have contact but not contracts (marital, social, or legal)
with them. The Bible says that when God's people marry unbelievers
it is a great evil and treacherous act against God (Nehemiah
13:27).
From a practical standpoint, if
you marry an unbeliever, you are asking for problems of the
worst kind - not just arguments over going to church, but fundamental,
ideological differences in the direction and purpose for your
lives. The image of yoking in the passage quoted above is meant
to convey two very dissimilar animals trying to pull a cart
together. They pull in different directions, so the vehicle
cuts an uncertain and miserable path. This is what your marriage
will surely be like. You will pull toward Jesus Christ and his
glory, but your spouse will pull toward the kingdom of the prince
of this world. Do not be fooled into marrying now and thinking
he/she will change later. If you do, you're showing that Jesus
Christ means less to you than that person.
Q: Too late - I married an
unbeliever, and I'm reaping the consequences. What do I do now?
A: Remain married.
The Bible instructs this, suggesting
that your unbelieving spouse and even your children are "made
holy" by you (1 Corinthians 7:12-16). Pray for your spouse's
salvation and seek strength through prayer, Bible reading, and
a local church.
Q: What is the secret to a
happy marriage?
A: Two Christians experiencing
the love of Christ and learning to share it with each other within
a covenantal partnership.
Experiencing the love of Christ
involves three things:
1. Be aware of your sin, how actively
and powerfully prideful your heart is, how humanity's root problem
- wanting to be like God (Genesis 3:5) - has become your root
problem. The dominance of your desires to be recognized, served,
affirmed, and admired must be held in check to prevent disappointment
and bitterness that your spouse has not met your prideful "needs."
2. Believe that you are saved
by grace and not by any merit in yourself, for this is the Biblical
model for marriage (Ephesians 5). Instead of a quid pro quo
("I'll love you if you love me back"), the marriage
covenant is to be based on grace ("I will love you no matter
how you treat me"). This is the one true "love language."
3. Stir up the Holy Spirit within
you through daily devotional time and active participation in
a local church. Only through intimate fellowship with Jesus
Christ and His body, the church, can you be empowered to love
another person selflessly.
Q: I'm in an abusive marriage.
Can I divorce?
A: Seek protection but
remain married.
This is clearly a difficult and sensitive
issue. You must provide for the safety of yourself and your children,
but you should not divorce unless your spouse effectively ends
your marital covenant through sexual unfaithfulness (Matthew 5:32,
19:9) or abandonment (1 Corinthians 7:15). Winning an abusive
spouse to the lordship of Jesus Christ is far better than breaking
what God has put together. Pray for this and seek pastoral counseling
and the fellowship of other believers that you might have patience
and strength.
Q: How can we improve our
sex life?
A: Guard your marital intimacy:
1. Guard yourselves against erotic
stimulation that is not of your spouse:
- Minimize time spent watching
sexually appealing media (TV, movies, magazines, pictures)
- Avoid extended glances at attractive
persons
- Never compare your spouse's
appearance to that of another person
- Be content with what is yours
and "rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer,
a graceful doe" (Proverbs 5:18-19).
2. Guard yourselves against emotional
intimacy with people of the opposite sex:
- Minimize opposite sex friendships
and casual conversation
- Never be alone with the opposite
sex
3. Guard yourselves against a build-up
of biological urges. Practice regular intimacy and "Do
not deprive one another" (1 Corinthians 7:5).
4. Guard yourselves against stagnation.
Make sure you're always growing, getting outside your comfort
zone, and becoming newly excited about what God's doing with
you. Constantly be improving your body, mind, and spirit. Then
you will have excitement to share with your spouse.
5. Guard yourselves against perversion.
6. Guard yourselves against selfishness.
In your intimacy practice the love of Christ, who said, "It
is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35).
Ask how you might best give yourself to your covenant partner.
Ask what hairstyle or clothing he/she likes for you. "For
the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the
husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over
his own body, but the wife does" (1 Corinthians 7:4).
Q: Where can we turn for help
with our problems?
A: God, the Bible, and
your local church pastor.
Ask your pastor for Biblical counseling.
Avoid psychological counseling because it will not take a moral
stance and will only facilitate the self-worship that is likely
at the root of your conflict (see pamphlet, The Spiritual Truth
About Psychological Counseling).
The answers to all marital problems
can be found in the Bible:
- Proper behavior for a husband:
self-sacrifice and understanding - Ephesians 5:25-29; 1 Peter
3:7
- Proper behavior for a wife: inward
adornment of gentleness and a quiet spirit - Proverbs 31, Ephesians
5:22-24, 1 Peter 3:1-6
- Gentleness, patience, peace -
Galatians 5:22-23
- Humility - Philippians 2:1-11
- Sexual faithfulness - Proverbs
5:15-20
- Commitment - Genesis 2:24; Matthew
5:32, 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:10-12
- Forgiveness - Matthew 6:12, 18:21-35;
Luke 6:27-28
Are you Christ-like enough to
make your marriage right?
Scripture quotations
are from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version, copyright ©
2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used
by permission. All rights reserved. |
