Hanover Fellowship Church
Real People...Serving a Real God

Introduction

Many modern evangelicals apparently have a low view of marriage. Baptists lead denominational Christians with the highest divorce rate (29%, outpacing atheists by 8%)¹, and an average nine out of ten "born again" Christians have divorced after their religious conversion.² According to a Time-CNN poll, the number one reason people see for the increase in divorces over the past few decades is that people don't take their marital commitments seriously.³ Apparently, given the statistics, Christians don't take divorce seriously either. Today's Christians increasingly look for their church pastors to provide permissible reasons for divorce rather than advice on how to become more Christ-like to save their marriage.

The church's ambiguous stance on divorce hasn't helped. In its legalistic approach, focusing on a relatively small base of scripture passages, it has offered members a confusing set of rules and loopholes. Hermeneutical issues such as vocabulary, context, and audience remain as troublesome today as they were to the rabbis in Jesus' day. This is ironic given that Matt 19:3-12, one of the most widely cited but controversial passages on divorce, was Jesus' attempt at clarifying what Scripture teaches.

Yet Jesus wasn't about teaching divorce legislation in Matthew 19. He was lecturing a band of hard-hearted legalists on their attempts to make the minutiae of Scripture work for them which had caused them to miss the supreme moral principles that were right in front of their nose all along. Jesus' message was in fact very simple – God created men and women to unite (more specifically, to be united by him), so any attempt to contravene his activity by disuniting is therefore immoral.⁴

For the church to avoid those same interpretive mistakes and to simplify its message on divorce, it should put aside legalistic hair splitting and look to the highest moral principle available – God's character. We are called to imitate him – "Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matt 5:48)⁵, "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children" (Eph 5:1) – and specifically to follow his example in our marriages (Eph 5:25-33). This approach to a moral issue must be used with care, however, as some have used it as an excuse to override the basically clear parts of Jesus' teachings.⁶ God's character and Word should coincide, or else we have misunderstood one or the other. I will argue that careful examination into God's character as revealed in his Word will reveal that divorce between Christians is always morally wrong.

God's Character as Revealed in Creation

The Genesis story of Woman being created as an able companion and helper for Man reveals that God had a special and loving purpose in their coupling for life. As John MacArthur has pointed out, it was neither advisable nor possible for Adam and Eve to get a divorce – each one was all the other had. "When God created one man for one woman, He set that standard in motion for all of human history. Just because spares came along as time went on, it didn't change God's intention."⁷ Man and Woman were to be covenantally joined to each other and become "one flesh" (Gen 2:24).

God also set parameters for the well-being of his creation. The story of the Fall in Genesis 3 is the first example in the Bible of the terrible consequences of violating the divine order. Through the act of creation, therefore, God is revealed as a master craftsman who imbued his work with purposeful design, the forsaking of which has disastrous effects.

God's Character as Revealed in the Old Covenant

God's covenant relationship with Israel provides a very relevant lesson for our purposes, since it was viewed metaphorically, especially in the prophetic books, as a troubled marriage. Israel was spiritually unfaithful to God, a condition which the Biblical writers used sexual imagery to describe. While God longed for "hesed" (Hos 6:6; a meaningfully rich term describing covenantal loyalty⁸) from Israel, his partner "played the harlot" with other gods (a phrase used in Judg 2:1, 8:2-3; 1 Chr 5:25; 2 Chr 21:13; Ps 106:39; Isa 1:21; Jer 2:20, 3:1-8; Ezek 6:9, 16:15-41; 23:5-44; Hos 4:12-15; Mic 1:7). Idolatry and adultery were seen as one and the same: "Both do violence to any agreement, whether between God and Israel, Christ and the church, or husband and wife."⁹

Hosea

The opening chapters of the book of Hosea are an extended allegory on Israel's unfaithfulness. God commanded Hosea to take a harlot to be his wife. Hosea's multifaceted reaction symbolizes the tension between God's holiness and his love for his people. First, Hosea feels resignation ("she is not my wife, and I am not her husband" [2:2]), then righteous anger ("I will put an end to all her gaiety" [2:11], "I will destroy her" [2:12], "I will punish her" [2:13]), but ultimately love and hope for reconciliation ("I will allure her…and speak kindly to her" [2:14], "I will give her vineyards" [2:15]).¹⁰ In chapter 3 Hosea is commanded to buy his wife back and renew their marital covenant (3:3), about which the KJV Bible Commentary asserts, "This command ought once and for all to lay to rest any speculation about the husband’s responsibility in marriage and ought to end all speculation as to whether adultery (or anything other than the death of the marriage partner) breaks a marriage."¹¹

Isaiah

In Isaiah 50 God addresses his wayward wife, Israel. In verse 1 he asks, "Where is the certificate of divorce by which I have sent your mother away? Or to whom of My creditors did I sell you?" The question is rhetorical. God has not sent his wife away, she has departed of her own will. The promises of restoration which occur in Isaiah highlight a God who acts out of hesed even in the midst of being abandoned by an unfaithful spouse.

Jeremiah

In Jeremiah 3 God writes a divorce certificate to his unfaithful wife Israel: "And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce" (3:8). MacArthur interprets this passage as evidence that "prolonged, unrepentant" adultery is the only legitimate grounds for divorce.¹² God had abided with Israel for several hundreds of years through her spiritual adultery, sent numerous prophets in his attempts to reconcile her to him, but his efforts had failed to win her back. Though God still loved Israel and even promised a new covenant to come (Jeremiah 31), God appears to have terminated the covenant only when it had already been effectively ended through Israel's apostasy.

Ezekiel

In Ezekiel 16 Judah is addressed as God's unfaithful wife ("You adulteress wife, who takes strangers instead of her husband!" [16:32]). Similar to Jeremiah 3, God sends his unfaithful wife away ("I will also give you into the hands of your lovers" [16:39]) while acknowledging that the responsibility for breaking the covenant clearly rests on her ("I will also do with you as you have done, you who have despised the oath by breaking the covenant." [16:59]). Also as in Jeremiah, God shows his merciful character by promising to establish a new, "everlasting covenant" (16:60) with his departed wife, manifested by forgiveness (16:63) and true knowledge of him (16:62).

Malachi

In Mal 2:10-16 God accuses Judah of forsaking him and marrying "the daughter of a foreign god" (2:11). Judah is here personified as the male, one who has "dealt treacherously" with the "wife of your youth" (i.e., God), "though she is your companion and your wife by covenant" (2:14). The well known "I hate divorce" statement of verse 16, then, refers not only to God's distaste for husbands who send away their wives (leaving them virtually helpless in a male-dominated society) but to Judah's own heartless rejection of God.

God's Character as Revealed in the New Covenant

It is also instructive to look at God's character as manifested in Jesus' behavior toward his church, which is referred to several times in the NT as the bride of Christ (e.g., John 3:29), especially in Revelation (19:7; 21:2; 21:9; 22:17). In Ephesians 5, Paul likens the Christ-church relationship to that of husbands and wives. However, it may be more appropriate to say the church in its present existence is betrothed to Christ, with the wedding to come at his second coming ("For I betrothed you to one husband, so that to Christ I might present you as a pure virgin," 2 Cor 11:2).

Reconciliation

God sent Jesus to reconcile humanity to him as his bride (Eph 2:16; Col 1:20), a humanity that had turned away and followed its own evil ways. By the same token, then, spouses should seek to reconcile themselves to one another regardless of fault or severity of offense. A spouse should never reject a partner willing to remain in the marriage, just as Christ never rejects a sinner who comes to him (John 6:37). This principle is echoed in 1 Cor 7:12-13 for believers who have unbelieving spouses.

Forgiveness and Mercy

Just as God through Christ forgave his bride, spouses should forgive each other's sins "seventy times seven" (Matt 18:21). Nowhere is this principle more clearly spelled out than in the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matt 18:23-35). The Lord's Prayer even includes a petition for God to show us the mercy that we show others (Matt 6:12; Luke 11:4).

Humility and Sacrifice

It is hard to imagine a marital problem that could occur when spouses put each other's needs and desires first. Jesus provides the prime example of humility for us to imitate (Phil 2:1-11). He sacrificed his life for his bride. Why, then, do so many Christians believe that personal fulfillment is a valid reason for divorcing? If believing spouses have truly "died," their lives becoming "hidden with Christ in God" (Col 3:3), then divorce out of self interest is not an option. In many cases, pride may be the biggest thing that needs to be sacrificed.

Patience

Since God through Jesus Christ showed immeasurable patience with his bride, spouses should be patient with each other (cf. Rom 15:5), bearing through the inevitable hardships of marriage. Patience is a fruit of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5:22), a mark of Christian love (1 Cor 13:4), and even the "perfect" effect of enduring hardships (Jas 1:2-4). Spouses should also be patient with God, who works to progressively sanctify them and their mates.

Conclusion

It is risky business to anthropomorphize God. Although he made humanity in his image, God has divine qualities that humans do not and cannot possess. Plus, all analogies eventually break down when pressed, even those used by the inspired Biblical writers concerning the husband-wife relationship of God and Israel or Christ and the church. Clearly, though, since we are called to imitate God's character in our marriages, it is useful to ask how God would handle a troubled marriage.

First, it is clear right at the beginning of the Bible that God wants monogamous covenantal unity to be the norm because he designed his creation that way. Those who have gone against his divine order by divorcing have encountered many of its negative effects: increased poverty, depression, suicide, academic and behavioral problems in children, criminal behavior, and physical health problems.¹³

Secondly, God's revealed character throughout the Old and New Testaments shows that he always loves his wife, whether Israel or the Christian church, mercifully and sacrificially. Christians should have the same character in their marriages. "The Christian's love for the person to whom he has committed himself is called on to remain faithful even when rejected; and to pursue relentlessly, powerfully, sweetly, even when its object flees it – as men did God's."¹⁴

Are there ever allowances for divorce, then? Apparently so, given the exception clauses in Matthew for "unchastity."¹⁵ Since Jesus often used exaggeration for rhetorical effect, some have argued that the absolute prohibitions on divorce in Mark and Luke are closer to what Jesus actually said, whereas Matthew's exceptive pronouncement is closer to what Jesus really meant.¹⁶ We have already seen that sexual unfaithfulness and covenant unfaithfulness were yoked together in Hebrew thought, which helps to explain why this was given as a cause. It is important to note, though, that God's divorce to Israel occurred only after prolonged and unrepentant adultery. For the most part his relationship with her was characterized by patience and attempted reconciliation. He was clearly willing to forgive her adultery (Jer 2:12–14) if she repented, so a one time occurrence of sexual infidelity cannot in and of itself be a morally sufficient cause for divorce.

Another allowance for divorce commonly spoken of, abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Cor 7:15), is also consistent with God's character. We have seen in his relationship with Israel that his love is never coercive. He desires hesed, willing devotion, from his wife. Moreover, the marriage covenant between Christ and church exists "from faith to faith" (Rom 1:17). Since God never initiates a break in the covenant, but accepts it when there is no other choice, it is therefore reasonable that God would allow believers to permit their unbelieving spouses to depart. As to whether remarriage is also permitted in such a case, one might argue supportively that God made a new covenant, essentially "remarrying" to the Christian church after being abandoned by Israel, but such an appeal lacks any explicit scriptural tie.

Ultimately, the issue comes down to whether two individuals are living under the lordship of Jesus Christ. In such a case there can be no moral grounds for divorce, since each is called to reflect the character of Christ (e.g., reconciliation, forgiveness, sacrifice, patience) to the other. To sacrifice in the way of Jesus often means giving up personal fulfillment as a goal (a point which some writers on divorce ignore completely¹⁷). Furthermore, the obeying lordship of Christ means that faithfulness to one's spouse is equivalent to faithfulness to Christ, and vice versa. Likewise for unfaithfulness. If a spouse chooses to disobey Christ and forsake the marriage covenant, then that person should be subjected to loving discipline, just as Jesus disciplines his church (Rev 3:19, "Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline"). If the unfaithful spouse does not repent, but departs, then that person evidences opposition to Christ and may therefore be treated as an unbeliever. The same can be said about anyone who consistently and unrepentantly acts against the nature of Christ through abuse.¹⁸

If, however, only one party to the marriage is a believing Christian, that person is still called to reflect the character of God. Just as Christ's love transforms his church, a spouse's Christian love may transform the other spouse (1 Cor 7:14). The prospect of being "bound together with unbelievers" (2 Cor 6:14), however, threatens the fidelity of our spiritual marriage with Jesus, which is Scripturally the more important of the two. Thus, unbelieving spouses are to be allowed to willingly depart.

Believers should therefore never be the one responsible for divorce. They may accept it only after faithfully expressing their Christian character to its practical end, however rough the road. Next to the standard of God's character as evidenced throughout the Bible, humans are surely lacking in their ability to be comparably faithful to their marital partners unto death. A man or woman imbued with the power of the Holy Spirit, however, is a different matter.

¹Christians are More Likely to Experience Divorce Than Are Non-Christians (press release from Barna Research Group, Ventura, CA, December 21, 1999) [on-line]; accessed 14 March 2003; available from http://www.barna.org; Internet.

²Born Again Adults Less Likely to Co-Habit, Just as Likely to Divorce (update from Barna Research Group, Ventura, CA, August 6, 2001) [on-line]; accessed 14 March 2003; available from http://www.barna.org; Internet.

³Time/CNN poll (May 7-8, 1997) [on-line]; accessed 14 March 2003; available from http://www.patriot.net; Internet.

⁴Matthew's insertion of the exception for sexual immorality will be discussed later.

⁵All scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible (CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995).

⁶Hudson, Lofton, 'Til Divorce Do Us Part (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1974) and James E. Efird, Marriage and Divorce (Nashville: Abington, 1985) have argued for divorce, reasoning that because Jesus is compassionate in character, he would not want unhappy people to stay married.

⁷John MacArthur, Jr., On Divorce (Chicago: Moody, 1985), 11.

⁸ C Francis Brown, S. R. Driver, and Charles A. Briggs, The Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew and English Lexicon (Massachusetts: Hendrickson, 2000), 338–339.

⁹ Norma Martin and Zola Levitt, Divorce: A Christian Dilemma, PA: Herald, 1977. According to the authors, the two concepts are inextricably linked. They add, in quoting Paul M. Miller, that Jesus considered the basis of adultery to be a matter of the heart, a lust for something different than what one has.

¹⁰ John MacArthur, Jr., On Divorce, 27-31, gives a similar presentation of Hosea.

¹¹ Edward E. Hindson, and Woodrow Michael Kroll, eds., KJV Bible Commentary [CD-ROM] (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1994).

¹² John MacArthur, Jr., On Divorce, 46.

¹³ C Charles Colson and Nancy Pearcey, How Now Shall We Live? (IL: Tyndale House, 1999), 323.

¹⁴ Q. Quesnell, "'Made Themselves Eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven,'" Catholic Biblical Quarterly 30 (1968): 342, cited in Gordon Wenham, "Does the New Testament Approve Remarriage after Divorce?" The Southern Baptist Journal of Theology 6 (2002): 43.

¹⁵ A translation of the Greek "porneia." Stein (ibid., 195) explains it was understood in ancient Israel as an umbrella term for any kind of unlawful sexual act.

¹⁶ Robert Stein, "Divorce," in Dictionary of Jesus and the Gospels, ed. Joel Green, Scot McKnight, and I. Howard Marshall (IL: InterVarsity, 1992), 198.

¹⁷ Hudson, Lofton, 'Til Divorce Do Us Part, (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1974), 56-57.

¹⁸ Some authors (e.g., Francis H. Norcross, Christianity and Divorce [Boston: The Stratford Co., 1926], 38-42) have argued that certain marriages that become intolerable due to severe circumstances (debasement, neglect, cruelty, etc.) should be seen as either dissolved or not having been joined by God in the first place ("misalliances"). While this may represent an extreme, it is in danger of being a slippery slope towards tolerance of divorce for any perceived intolerable circumstances. What is missing, I believe, from the conversation is the mandate for both spouses to constantly strive to become more Christ-like, to make the Christian marriage what Leigh Conver has called a "crucible for the change and transformation of the individual partners" (Leigh E. Conver, "Marriage as a Spiritual Discipline," The Southern Baptist Journal of Theology 6 [2002]: 84).